Pain, Peace and Pegnancy

If you have ever experience the growth of a miracle under you heart you may understand what I am feeling. I noticed with being pregnant for the first time their does come pain --and eventually the pain of childbirth-- physically pain, emotional pain and spiritual pain. But God's peace is bigger.

In the beginning I became anxious waiting to see if we were pregnant; then once I was, I carried on that anxiety many moments until I felt him for the first time.  My anxiety turn to fear when I was in a small accident, then fell down the stairs and also had a few more clumsy moments. The baby was buried deep into my body always safe. But I still carried worry/anxiety/fear then I had my peace moment....

Throughout this pregnancy God is always comforting me. But my real moment of peace in the beginning came as Mark and I were on our way to our first ultrasound at 20weeks. I was getting nervous as I had trained myself to do before my routines appointments of checking my blood presser, baby's heartbeat and answering my questions. I assumed the worst, no heartbeat. While I was having this thought,  I still being new to discerning small movement,  felt him move in me while we were in the car. God's voice loud and strong came over the speakers of the car right to my heart, "Alex, look at all the affirmation I give you every single day, yet you doubt our child is alright?" He was moving and I still doubted his little life! I sat there with God words retreating in my head and I believed him and thanked him. And had real peace for the first time in my pregnancy.

Then the peace went, when I had to get a routine glucose test around 26 weeks. The fear of gestational diabetes kicked in all becasue I was going to the bathroom more. Looking back now, I can see how irrational and dumb my fears have been. But I was getting further along and more attached to this child. I called frantically to the doctors office wanting to know my results becasue I was peeing at every commercial. The nurse said you are A-o-kay and going to the bathroom more is getting more and more common as you advance in your pregnancy. I heard what she was saying and did rationalize it but held on to the worry.

Then I had another peace moment.....

I was at church that following Sunday. We happen to be talking about worry/anxiety --go figure! One women was talking about how her and her husband lost a child and how she worried away three more pregnancies because of her fears. She was sadden because even though she has 3 awesome kids, she never really felt the blessing of pregnancy! This made my heart so sad but God voice spoke again to me. He reminded me that the womb is His territory and all my job is to live in the moment. When I live in the moment I have His joy, peace and guidance. What an uplifting feeling!

Then I let the peace go again!

The third trimester came and with the came many more pains. More physically that effected the emotional and spiritual! I became deeply tired with every activity. And now the pinched nerves are causing carpal tunnel in my hands, making me unable to sit up for a while and even walk. The pain is making me irritable, cranky and frustrated. I desire to have a natural birth to experience the fullness of pain and joy that comes with bringing a child into the world. But i am just thinking if I can't even handle this....Recently I have been constantly thinking about Genesis 3:16 and that painful child birth is part of our original sin. It has been making me feel like I deserve all that pain and I won't be able to handle it.


Then God showed me his peace again.....
P.S. Isn't He crazy faithful!!!!

As I was laying in bed one night reading and thinking about the pain of childbirth. God reminded me how Christ took away the sins of Adam and  how I don't have to accept Eve's punishment! I know that there will be pain when we give birth but I will also have God peace that will comfort me. Naturally between contractions our body release a natural pain killer. God gave me the ability to do it and to release all the pain to him. I want my baby to be born with Christ's peace not Eve's pain.


“Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world." (John 16:21).

I have so much to look forward too! Too much too worry!!!!!!